One year ago today was my last day of gainful employment.
It's not an anniversary to celebrate. I wasn't ready to retire. Although my job wasn't my passion -- I was a tech writer, for Pete's sake -- it was interesting, challenging, and I was good at it. It accounted for much of my self image, provided most of my social interactions, and was a reliable source of nerdy techie toys. And, of course, there was the paycheck.
Sometimes I think I should've thrown in the towel sooner than I did. Other times I wonder how I managed to hang on so long.
Other than the significant and painful drop in income, I expected the transition from working to not to be more painful than it was. Since I was already working in a remote, empty office at Bob's Books and Day Care Center, the only difference in my day-to-day routine was that I didn't do any work. Every morning the realization that I don't have to actually accomplish anything still comes as a real relief. I still feel guilty about not having to do any work, and about feeling relieved that I don't have to do any work.
At first, I spent a lot of time getting disentangled from my former day job, and getting disability insurance and SSDI set up. Since then, I'm afraid I've been lamentably indolent. I have made no inroads on the lists of things I thought I would do after I retired. I expected to be bored, but I haven't been. Perhaps I'm just easily amused.
They say time flies when you're having fun. I must be having fun.
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Hello world!
9 months ago
So, do I say happy anniversary? It's such a bittersweet thing.
ReplyDeleteThe mixture of guilt and relief, ah yes.
I'm going through similar emotions. Now also on SSDI, with no salary, and starting to [gulp] enjoy doing nothing, but knowing that's not the real me. I think there are things I can do, there must be work for me somewhere, a job is bound to come along -- until then, I'm just getting used to being lazy.
ReplyDeletePeace,
Muff
Hmmm... I have gotten used to "forced retirement". I don't know what I think of it though.
ReplyDeleteI do know if my MS was cured I'd be applying for jobs but I don't even dream about those things anymore.
Instead I dream about winning the lottery and going around enriching unknown peeps lives without their knowledge. I have what...a one in a trillion chance of winning? Better bets than waiting on a cure for MS. LOL.